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Gal*Gun: Double Peace Review

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    I know the guys said they wouldn’t mind having other listeners review this game with them, UFF-style, so I figured I’d make a thread since I just finished the game yesterday and want to get the ball rolling.

    Gal*Gun: Double Peace is the best horror game I’ve played this year. In it, a cupid accidentally causes every girl in a 500-mile radius to see your dick as an all-you-can-eat buffet. You must protect your virginity by stopping the girls with your “pheromone shot”, which, as you know, is an ability all men have from birth, which is why the game never bothers explaining what the fuck a “pheromone shot” is, how it is produced, or how it works.

    The game distinguishes itself from other rail-shooters in a few different ways. It has plenty of secrets in the backgrounds of the stages to find that pertain to side-missions. And instead of the enemy weak spot being primarily the head, Gal*Gun: Double Peace correctly distributes weak spots among the four anatomical female food groups: head, chest, waist, and “The Good Stuff”, aka: everything below the waist. It’s not a simple matter of getting headshots; it’s a game of running your cursor over every bloodthirsty target, and reacting accordingly when a weak spot is shown.

    The zoom function allows you to get a clearer shot on far-away targets, and to see through certain objects, like trees or schoolgirl uniforms. It creates an interesting dynamic, in that it helps you find hidden objects for side objectives, but also greatly reduces your view of the entire play area, where more girls can be waiting to drain your HP. A much less interesting gameplay function is “Doki Doki Mode”, which the game barely explains. (I got my first tutorial for it at the literal end of the game, right before a mandatory instance of it.) As far as I can tell, it’s there to provide fanservice and to fuck up your stats. Did I mention there are stats in this game? They really only seem to be there as a gate-keeper for picking certain choices during dialogue scenes, which is annoying.

    Story-wise, the game is typical anime fare, which is to say it’s vapid garbage. The romantic interests already clearly love you before the climax of the story, and hint at wanting to do lewd things, such as holding hands. The closest thing this game has to a main antagonist, the devil girl Kuroko, is foiled 2 stages or so before the end. You’re not playing this for the story. You’re playing it for the visuals, which look fine enough. As far as anime girls go, they’re all aesthetically-pleasing enough, even though they’re clearly the same cookie-cutter model with different hair, eye color, and outfits applied.

    Sound-wise, the game is fine. The music is inoffensive, and since this game is basically a visual novel in disguise, it plays the same 6 songs, so I was humming the main theme from memory by the time I got to the credits. The voice-acting is unintelligable. If there weren’t subtitles, I don’t think I would have been able to understand it. It barely sounded like English.

    I beat the entire game in a single sitting. Was it worth it? I would take the time to tell you if it was, but I must hurry to meet with my divorce lawyer, and then I’m mandated to introduce myself to the entire neighborhood, and tell them why I’m not allowed to have my lights on during Halloween anymore.

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